I want someone as tall or taller than me w/ an athletic build and frame, with natural masculinity and rugged sexiness. I want a strong protector with big hands and firm arms and broad shoulders. He should be kind and considerate to others and quiet and reserved with an air of mystery. I want to feel safe and secure and content as I lay my head on his chest or hold his hand. I look for men my age or slightly older than me, but not by more than 10 years. I want him to have chest hair and some scruff on his face with a strong jawline. I want him to be confident yet not cocky or arrogant or shallow. He doesn't necessarily have to be chiseled nor be a gym rat, but he's to not be too doughy either. He takes care of himself and cares about his appearance, but he's not narcissistic. He's to be a reserved, sophisticated, charming gentleman. He loves the outdoors and loves taking risks and adventure. He's honest and trustworthy. He feels balanced and secure and knows what he wants and is self assured.
How about you? Have you ever analyzed what type of men you're attracted to and why?
For me personally, I never had a big brother growing up. Well, I do have an older brother, but he's 9 years older than me and was kind of mean to me growing up. I didn't have an overly affectionate father. My family showed love through sarcasm and making fun. I am the youngest of 3 with a large gap of years between my older brother and sister and myself. Hence, I was pretty much raised as an only child and was spoiled rotten. I was given everything I wanted with a silver spoon. I never had to work or save up for anything. I didn't even have my first job until the end of my senior year in High School. The cars and pick ups I drove were always given to me b/c they were my Dad's hand-me-downs. He paid for all my gas and trips and lessons and other expenses. I had a cell phone before anyone else did in my school (it was a brick phone as this was in '95-'96). I had nice clothes b/c my mom bought them all for me and I was never really taught about budgeting/saving. I had free reign to come and go and do what I wanted, where I wanted, and who I wanted.
One would think I would have been instilled w/ a great sense of self accord and enterprise. But never having to make my own decisions or do anything for myself actually did me a disservice and crippled me! So now here I am, a 38 year old man, who is barely functioning as an adult and is scared out of his wits and has masked it for 30+ years with addiction and sex and repressing emotions and deep thoughts and reality. I feel scared and anxious and confused and vulnerable a lot of the time.
Which brings me back to the purpose of this post: I want a man like I've described above to sweep into my life and take control of me and protect me and provide for me and make decisions for me. Sexually, this would fall into a 'bottom' role, though I don't consider myself such. But yes, it would occasionally be nice to be dominated by a man, sexually or otherwise. But I know exactly where these urges and yearning come from and it's from my upbringing. Our upbringing and childhood/adolescent experiences are more important and affect us more than we could ever know. It has and will continue to shape and define me and the rest of my life!