Monday, April 23, 2012

Heavy Hearted

It's interesting how the term 'heavy-hearted' can actually describe a physical feeling. Lately it feels like my heart is in the pit of stomach. It's so terrible it actually aches. I feel so incredibly alone, yet I don't know why I've been feeling this way. It's only during the day at work that I experience these emotions. I don't have much going on lately and therefore I have a lot of time on my hands at work to sit and think and think and sit. I have found myself taking longer lunches and breaks and am constantly lusting day after day after day.

Just like what the SA white book says, 'we cry w/ out-stretched arms to make us whole.' I know I'm doing just that and I recognize that I'm trying to fill that void and those emotions by lusting and feeding the carnal man desire. Yet I know it won't work; it will never work. Sure, I'll feel better temporarily but I'll inevitably feel worse than I did before.

What really bites is I'll feel so much better as soon as work is over and I can go home, where I feel safe and genuinely happy. But tomorrow it starts all over again. Blah Blah Blah. :P

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