Thursday, April 19, 2012

Male Affection

What's going on in my life that is making me crave male touch and affection? I have been having intense desires for it lately. Nothing sexual, meaning I'm not looking for a j/o buddy or oral sex or any of that, but I've been craving to just be hugged and to hug back or to be held by a guy. This is not normal! Sure, everyone needs physical touch and stimulation, but not like this. Healthy straight men do not do this or want to do this w/ other men!

I have not had any actual male sexual contact or sexual touch for over 8 years. I have been in several sexual situations w/ other men and watched sexual things occurring, but no sexual touching or petting has occurred between me and another guy for 8 years. So what gives w/ the recent intense cravings for male affection and touch? Why am I feeling this way? It makes me feel really GAY! I'll admit that for most of my life I crossed the wires in my brain by thinking I needed to have full on sex w/ a guy in order to feel accepted and create a bond between he and I. It's fucked up, I know, but I realize now that's what I was doing. Therefore, those needs for physical affection and attention, though temporary, were getting satiated through having physical sex w/ guys. Since I'm not having sex w/ men anymore, those "bonds" in my mind are not being created. It makes me feel alone and sad.

I've often wondered how normal straight guys are able to have healthy 'physcial' relationships w/ other men when no physical touch never even has to take place? How are they filling those needs? Straight guys don't need to touch each other or hug one another in order to show love or friendship. Why can't I know that in my head and feel that in my heart? Why do I feel like I need to be hugged or physically touched by a guy in order to feel a bond or make a solid connection w/ him? Why do I think my recent feelings of loneliness and sadness and isolation will be cured by engaging in that sort of action w/ another guy? How can I resolve these feelings in a better, healthier manner? If I were to find a friend that I could hug and hold would it eventually turn sexual? Would I eventually want more touch and more intimacy or intensity?

I find it strange that when I'm home and w/ my wife and kids I never have these thoughts and feelings. I have a great physical relationship w/ my wife. Yet all day while I'm away from her, I crave a male friend that I can touch, hold, and hug but that wouldn't take it into the sexual arena. But it's futile. What in the world happened in my life or what am I currently lacking that is making me have these cravings and desires?

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