Wednesday, August 29, 2012

My Teenage Neighbor

I have to get something off my chest. I live next door to a teenage boy (late teens) which has been very triggering for me as of late. Now, don't freak out! Let me first say I do NOT have a thing for kids or adolescents and am not into child porn or any of that, so don't worry. But there's just something about this kid that intrigues me and, if I'm not in a healthy state of mind, can trigger fantasies w/in me. They're not the kind of fantasies that would ever make me do something heinous, they are just more like things that get me thinking and reflecting on my own teenage years.

When we first moved in, this kid was a skinny, loner-type that would sit outside his house up on the roof. Kind of a weird-o. But now he's turned into a tall, skater-type kid w/ a nice body, deep voice, hair that hangs down in his eyes and who loves to mow the lawn w/ his shirt off and in his basketball shorts.

I think what has me hung up about this kid is the enigma/mystery/fantasy surrounding that particular age. I know at that age I was engaging in full on oral and anal sex, masturbating several times a day anywhere I could, looking at porn, experimenting w/ friends, etc. So when I look at him I wonder what he's up to. He's obviously gone through puberty now and I wonder/fantasize how big he is. I wonder/fantasize how often he masturbates. I wonder if he surfs porn on his computer in his room. I wonder/fantasize if he has ever messed around or experimented w/ any of his friends or what kind of talk they do when they're together (i.e. about girls, sex, porn, etc).

I know these are not healthy thoughts to be having and I recognize that. Please don't take me for some perverted, sick, pedophile. I am not nor have I ever been. I realize these thoughts I've had is just part of the addiction and that addiction has roots that really began to take hold at that stage in my life (teens). Anyhow, it feels better to at least get that out.

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