One of my biggest weaknesses and something that has been the biggest detriment to my recovery and has been leading to my downward spiral this past month is surfing Craigslist personal ads while at work. When I begin surfing these ads, I can count on the whole rest of my day going to pot and me acting out sometime later.
I have not ever posted an ad but I have sure have responded to a large share of them. Not to mention the risk I take when I look at the ads that have pictures posted w/ them while I'm at work. Sometimes these are really raunchy pictures. :P
I have come as close as one can to actually hooking up w/ one of these guys. Thankfully I have had someone watching over me which has aided in keeping me "safe" b/c every time I try to hook up w/ one of them something gets in my way.
I have responded to ads looking for everything from mutual jo & watching porn to hardcore sounding, fisting, pissing, and group S&M action. I like to think that if and when I had actually been in the situation I woulnd't have participated in any of the activities, except watching and jacking off; but who knows for sure!?
What's sick is I have used an email address to respond to these ads that is the same username as my FB account! So if any of these guys had any brains they could easily do a google search of my email username/handle and it would have brought up my full identity and picture. How scary is that!?
Anyhow, I have an IT friend at work that knows about me and my addiction. Desperate, I went to him and asked if it is possible to put a block on my computer of any and all "Craigslist" websites so that I cannot go to any of those websites no matter what. He placed a block on my computer yesterday and I am optimistic that it will help keep me sober and more focused at work going forward. Plus, he was able to fix it so I can't even weasel my way around to the website some other way. I am thankful for him and for his compassion and his understanding and that I am able to trust him w/ these sad issues of mine. It's nice to have somebody I can rely on at work to help me in my recovery and that sincerely wants to help me succeed in overcoming my DP.