Thursday, January 3, 2013

A New Year

A new year is upon us. So far (3 days into it) I'm doing well. I would really, REALLY like to leave some of this sex addiction shit behind me in 2012. 2012 was a bad year for my DP and I want to keep him far away and out of 2013.

Although I wanted to keep an abstinance date of 12/12/12, I unfortunately completely lost control on 12/21/12. I was home alone and escaped up to my bathroom to watch some of the most... (horrifying and extremely perveted in my sober mind, but wonderfully hot and dirty to my DP)..porn I have ever stumbled upon. I was completely lost in a sea of dopamine to the extent I was out of touch w/ reality; in a gray zone. In addition to porn, I sounded myself w/ a blind rod until I bled a bit out of my pee hole. Um, so not good. But really hot at the time. And even now looking back. :P

Since that day, I have teeteered back and forth. Last year on New Years Eve (2011) I was together w/ my family celebrating the New Year. At 5 minutes to midnight, I went into the bathroom and quickly rubbed one out. One last time for the road, I justified to myself. I thought about doing the same thing this New Years Eve, but surprisingly, I did not. Yeah, me!

So anyway, as of today, Jan 03, I'm still abstinant, though I sure wish I could say I was sober too. I feel like if just the right person or situaton came along I would falter. Or if I let myself dwell on my nasty thoughts or memories just a titch too long I would completely stumble.

But for now, it's smooth sailing.
Here's to a great new year!

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