Monday, March 11, 2013

Just Look Away


Last night my wife and I were watching a documentary called "Hidden Inside America: Mormons" on the Destination America channel. Even though these documentaries tend to sometimes make us (us, meaning Mormons) out to be weirdos, I felt such a sense of pride and warmth and security as I watched it. :) I am so grateful to be a member of this church and do have a strong testimony of the truthfulness of it, despite being the 'peculiar people' we are.

The documentary covered everything from soup to nuts. Then, out of the blue, the program began discussing Chad Hardy's "Men on a Mission" calendar. Where the hell did that come from? Now, the DP side of me would love to have continued watching and ogling and secretly lusting and soaking all of that shit in, but as soon as that part of the program began I immediately jumped up and told my wife I was headed to bed and away I went w/o looking back.

At first, as I was brushing my teeth, I felt kind of embarrassed of what had happened and was letting myself sink into self-shame and my familiar insecurities, but then a feeling of contentment and peace washed over me and I was so thankful I did what I did and make the choice to walk out of the room. I thought it showed a great sense of strength and a personal desire to make good choices on my part. Plus, in the end, I didn't have those carnal images floating around in my brain.

What a small, yet extremely satisfying victory I had over the weekend. :)

3 comments:

  1. One victory makes you confident there will be another :) Cheering for you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am proud of you. It takes strength to get up and leave, especially when a part of you wants something "else".

    Thank you for bearing your testimony. It brought a sense of peace to me as I read it. I needed that after this day.

    ReplyDelete