What the hell is wrong w/ me lately? It seems like every day I'm in a bad, sour mood. I'm constantly irritable, and rageful, and on edge. Are these addiction withdrawal symptoms or WTF?
Today marks 3 weeks of abstinance for me and I have to admit it's been rough. But I'm really trying to do things differently this time. One of the things I've been trying really hard at is getting out of my fucking head! Too often when I'm sad, or overwhelmed, or angry I stay in my head and bury my feelings alive. That usually results in me acting out w/ myself and using my 'old reliables' to numb or escape my feelings. But not this time. Lately when I'm feeling that way, I've been picking up the phone and calling one of the guys in recovery and having a mindful conversation w/ them.
Sometimes I'm selfish, especially on my drive home from work. I want to just sit and listen to the radio and numb out. But I've come to realize I can't. It's too risky. So I'll make a call instead. And you know what? I feel better afterwards. Having good, healthy, close relationships w/ other guys in recovery is one of my life savers. I'm really grateful to have found them.
My wife told me I needed to get back on my meds (Prozac) or at least something to take the edge off. But I know that's not going to help. That's like trying to mend a broken pipe w/ duct tape. It may hold for a bit and fix the problem momentarily, but not in the long run. I need to replace the whole fucking pipe! And the way I do that is through working my program, attending my weekly meetings, practicing rigorous honesty, working w/ my sponsor, etc. I do hope my grouchiness as of late is just the result of my addiction withdrawal and that it will get easier as time goes by and the closer we get to spring and warmer weather.
I just need to settle down, breathe, keep calm and carry on and cheer up.