In March my therapist gave me a challenge to stay off of all social media sites for a few months. I was having trouble cruising Craigslist personal ads while at work (and responding to them) and checking out SGA dudes' profiles on FB to get my fire stoked. I accepted his challenge to help keep my 'wandering eye' in check and have been pretty good at keeping my commitment. This is the reason I haven't written anything on my blog for a few months.
I wish I could say I've been a really good boy and have been minding my p's and q's, and in some respects I have been. I haven't gotten freaky w/ myself in I don't know how long (freaky, meaning doing myself in the arse w/ foreign objects or sticking shit down my pee hole). So that's an improvement. But I have had some tête-à-tête's w/ some dudes in the park. Just mutual j.o. stuff; nothing major. Wow! How's that for down-playing the seriousness of my actions? Talk about a detestable adulterer.
The masturbation continues and always will. One of the last pieces of advice my therapist gave me before relocating to Florida (yes, I'll be on the hunt for a new sex addiction therapist) is this: I am a super-charged sexual being. I always have been. And rather than try to deny, repress, or change it, I need to accept it and embrace it. It's part of my make up and who I am. However; I need to learn to express my sexuality and mega-libido in healthy ways....not jacking off w/ random dudes in the park bathrooms or cruising Craigslist ads or hard-core porn sites. He suggested incorporating my masturbation into the relationship I have w/ my wife. Rather than use masturbation as a way to expel my lusts and fantasies when I'm alone, why not think about making my favorite past time not-so-secret and naughty. He called not engaging in 'public masturbation.' This is masturbation by myself w/o my wife. I need to try masturbating with my wife in the room or telling her BEFORE I do the deed. Shed some light into the dark corners of my life.
Also, if I want true, lasting happiness w/ my wife and children I need to continue to always and forever STAY THE FUCK OFF CRAIGSLIST and STAY THE FUCK OUT OF THE GAY PARKS AND CRUISING JOINTS! Period.
So, I'm still here, life continues to march on, my DP is still at my side but I'm doing pretty good....for the most part.