Monday, July 28, 2014

An Illusive Fantasy

I recently came across a post by another gay Mormon blogger. I loved, loved, loved his post. I thought it extremely stirring and moving and it was a very surreal feeling...to read the thoughts, feelings, and fantasies I have stirring around in my brain but written by another. To add insult to injury, the things written almost came to fruition for me this past spring. While I love to read and reread the words that were written, in the end, I have to conclude that his post was (to some extent) fictitious.

Don't get me wrong, I think that the scenario painted would be the actuality for a while. But the magic (as written) would eventually fade, as it always inevitably does. Whether gay or straight, the honeymoon "Disney" phase eventually wears off and life happens. Every day isn't as magical and perfect as it may have once been or seemed. You get tired of their stinky morning breath, or farting in bed, or leaving dirty clothes all over the place, or not washing the dishes or keeping their car clean. Yada Yada. Of course the love for the person is still there and can be as strong as it was in the beginning, but you have to prepare yourself for the fact that love/relationships isn't how it is depicted in the movies, or in books, or fairy tales.

Could I have a relationship w/ another man and be happy? Yep. Have I experienced those feelings and fantasies for another dude before? Yep. Would our relationship be how it is represented in this blog post? Yep. At least it would for a while anyway. But I do believe that time would wear on and I would begin to miss some of the other things I once had; the things I lost when I tried to find happiness elsewhere.