How unbelievably relieved and humbled I am! Last month I finally got the courage to go into my local Health Center and have a full STD panel run. The various tests performed (urine, blood, etc) checked for Hepatitis, various bladder/urethra/blood infection(s), Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, HIV, and Syphilis. I am so happy to report that all my tests came back negative ^_^
You have no idea how difficult that was for me to go in and take those tests. I am a master of brainwashing, and once again I had completely and totally convinced myself that I had 'something.' And why not? If you remember last September whilst on a work trip in Europe I went to a seedy gay bar/sex club and barebacked 4 different men, 2 of which I couldn't even see b/c it was so dark! This was is in addition to the numerous blow jobs given/received over the course of the summer and fall (one guy I allowed to cum in my mouth and I swallowed) as well as multiple anonymous anal sex tete-a-tetes w/ dudes (though I was the giver and wore a rubber MOST of those times). Regardless, you can see why I was truly sick w/ worry and grief. I'm a sick fuck.
What a ridiculous and unnecessary place to put myself (and my family) in...physically, emotionally, and mentally. Although we may look at fidelity in marriage or a relationship and keeping God's commandments as strict and difficult sometimes, I can personally attest it is vital for our own peace and happiness.
Let me say something here: I love cock. And I love having sex w/ men. I LOVE it. I enjoy gay sex more than I probably should. HOWEVER... I love my wife and my family and children more than I do some stupid prick w/ a hard on. And I desire peace and security and the promise of not being riddled by some sexually transmitted disease b/c of my unfaithfulness and sheer lack of empathy for myself and wife more than I do cock and gay sex.
I know I've probably said it before, but never again will I put myself in a situation that I have to be fearful of my health or future b/c I couldn't exercise some self control. My dick is staying in my pants! To all you men reading this that I would probably love to fuck around with: I'm sorry, but it isn't going to happen. I bet we'd have a lot of fun and enjoy each other a whole hell of a lot, but in the end, you're SO not worth it.