Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Good Friends

I've had my fair share of good friends and bad friends over the course of my life. Most recently, God sent one into my life that has done nothing but leave seeds of goodness all over :)

Yesterday, he and I were texting back and forth and were both talking about how crummy and blue we have been feeling lately. Perhaps it's the rainy and cloudy weather or just an overall feeling of despondency. Who knows. Anyhow, out of the blue I received the following text from him... (can I just say what an awesome, sweet, thoughtful guy)

25 Reasons Why I Love XXXXXX
1- He is kind to everyone he meets, regardless if he likes them.
2- He is an amazing father who genuinely tries to create meaningful memories for his lambs.
3- He loves his wife above all.
4- He has a testimony of the restored gospel.
5- He is honest; I never have to worry that he is hiding things.
6- He loves golden girls.
7- He is super handy around the house.
8- Han you say sexy beast!?!?
9- He loves to cuddle.
10- He has great fashion sense.
11- He is patient with others.
12- He is fit.
13- He has mastered the smolder-pouty look.
14- He loves horror movies.
15- Halloween
16- He rocks the messy, spiky hair.
17- He genuinely thinks of others.
18- He loves me despite my faults.
19- He cooks crazy good.
20- He makes sure to message me everyday.
21- His eyes.
22- Can be so funny no matter the situation.
23- Keeps a clean house.
24- Faces his fears and strives to improve them.
25- He is a musical piano playing all-star who I LOVED watching and listening. It's one of my favorite memories.

Monday, May 4, 2015

Being the Token Gay Boy

I have a really great group of friends at work. They know about my sexuality, my standing in the church, and my current situation, and I know they truly do love and care about me. They are really great guys altogether. I'm really blessed to have such good friends. I have never had that before. We can hang out and be loose and I can relax and be myself around them. 

However, sometimes I feel like I am the token gay guy in our group. And while I try to just roll with it and laugh along with them (at myself) and try my damnedest to not allow it to hurt my feelings, it does begin to wear on me and I get tired of the little jokes and comments and reminders that I'm into dudes and it begins to take a toll on my already ravaged self esteem.

It's a constant reminder that I am "different" in a way from the rest of the boys. While a part of me has grown heaps and bounds in regards to accepting myself and my gayness, I still wish I didn't have it and hate that I'm forever looked at by others as broken, different, not man enough, etc. Did I choose this garbage? Absolutely not! Do I wish I were like the rest of you and would be checking out the chicks instead of the dudes everywhere I go!? Of course! >:( Grrr It irritates me. So I like to kiss boys and ogle their yummy what!? Why is that such a big deal and why is it something that people use [against me] almost as if it's a defect or vile flaw and use it to make fun? Sigh.