Today I need to write about something that has been really grinding my gears as of late. I guess you could say it's going to be a gripe session on my part, so if you don't want to read a lot of angry negativity, please move on. But I really need to blow off some steam. I would love to put it on my public page so those whom I'm writing about can realize it and be called out; but to save myself a lot of unnecessary drama and questioning by my family members and those I consider my actual good, close friends, I thought I would just blog about, get it out of my system and move on.
This post deals mainly w/ friendships and connections w/ other SSA guys via Facebook. I have many friends on Facebook from my past, mission compadres, college and high school friends, family and extended family, etc. But I want to touch on the queer friendships out there in Facebook land.
First, what is the purpose of "friending" somebody on Facebook? For me, when I reach out to someone, I usually have some kind of reason or purpose for doing so, and no, it isn't lust-driven. Typically, A) I genuinely want to connect and get to know them better and hopefully spark a friendship; B) I find them interesting, admirable, intriguing, attractive, etc. and therefore I want to (A) again. C) Them accepting my friend request makes me feel like I am acceptable, ok, worth-while, adequate, etc. Granted, C is a reason that is highly unhealthy and I realize that; but nonetheless it happens and I own it. ;)
Now, I've always considered myself an expert when it comes to queer relationships w/in the LDS MOHO community, but I guess I still have much to learn and understand. When someone reaches out to me and sends me a friend request I think they must find me (interesting? admirable? attractive?) and want to connect w/ me on a more personal, deeper level. When it's someone I think the same of, I'm flattered. I'm a pretty good judge of character and weeding out the sheep from the goats or those who are snakes in the grass. I'm not looking for someone to sext w/ or a hook up or have some hot, electronic affair w/. My intent is usually good and I'm apt at recognizing the other guy's intent.
So I either send a request out to someone I want to connect w/ or I have received a request from someone I also want to connect w/. Then either they or I accept. I won't talk about the assholes who never do accept my friend request. Don't give me some bullshit story that you didn't see my request or something either. I don't give a shit who you are, when you first log in to Facebook, the very first thing you see is a little number over the people icon; so before you post or go to your notifications or do anything else, you always want to see who sent you a friend request. It's true, isn't it? ;)
Anyhow, after the friend request has been answered, I always send them a message and say thank for accepting or thanks for the request. At this point, is it so fucking hard to just shoot back a quick message and say "no problem. It's nice to connect w/ you" or "I'm excited to get to know you better" or SOMETHING!!?? Nothing, and I mean NOTHING grinds my gear more than a new "friend" who after I have initiated the conversation w/ reads my damn message (thanks for that feature Facebook messenger!) but then doesn't respond to it. Do you realize how shitty that is? Are you that big of a social retard that you can't respond w/ a thank you or at least acknowledge that I reached out to you? Are you that damn important or so uber busy that you can't give me some sort of affirming response? Damn, that's rude as hell!
Now I know I shouldn't jump to conclusions. Perhaps they couldn't respond at the time. Perhaps they were in a meeting or got sidetracked or were driving or something of the sort. I get it. But after a day or two goes by and my message is still just sitting there, I guess they aren't as excited to connect w/ me as I was w/ them or as originally hoped for or thought. So my "read" message just sits there...day after day after day and unless I try and spark up a conversation again w/ them, we'll both just sit there and stare at one another over the information superhighway. WTF is the point of this!?
Here's how the next part will usually play out. I shoot off my typical "thank you" message via messenger to try and get the ball rolling for a convo. What follows then is either no response or closed, one sided answers.
Me: "Thanks for accepting my request, Johnny"
Johnny: Either it sits there and they never read it, or they read it and don't respond, or finally later that day or even the next day finally respond with a "NP" or a simple thumbs up emoji (are you fucking serious? Wow! Thanks so much for that)
Me: If that's the kind of response I get, I'll usually give it a bit so they don't get the impression I'm hanging on to their every word or that fucking desperate or needy for their friendship and conversation. Eventually I'll write "So how long have you been married" or something similar to try and spark a conversation.
Johnny: Perhaps this is where the convo dies b/c the response never comes. He'll read it, but that's it. Or after a few more hours or days go by, I'll finally get a simple answer."6 yrs" Wow! That must have taken a lot of effort to type that message. He couldn't even type out YEARS or use punctuation. He must be a really, really busy guy. Eyeroll.
Me: Ok, asshole. I'll give you one more chance. So I again wait a bit before I ask one more question to see if this guy is really interested in getting to know one another..."Have you always lived in Utah" or something else relevant.
Now this is where I make the decision: A) Do I continue to try and milk conversation out of this backward dumb shit who obviously knows NOTHING about conversing w/ another human or just really doesn't give a shit in getting to know me better; or, B) Do I de-friend the fucker and put this farce of a connection/friendship/conversation behind me and move on? So I usually end up dumping him.
Guys, PLEASE don't reach out to me if you don't genuinely want to be friends. Don't be one of those friends from afar and think I'm the type of guy that will allow you to hide behind your stupid social media walls and keep one close eye on my private life. Or if you don't want to connect w/ me after I've reached out to you, then please TELL me. Don't just un-accept my request and remove the possibility of me ever sending you a friend request again w/o some sort of explanation. That is just pure shit right there and just plain mean.
So, if you're reading this and you know you're this type of person, please de-friend me now, unless I get to you first. Or, let this be a lesson to you and stop being such a freaking douchebag to other people. You're not the kind of person I want to be connected with or on a "friend" level anyhow. Go and hide behind your social media walls elsewhere or w/ someone else. Don't waste my nor your time. I need FRIENDS. I need good friends. I need genuine friends. And I need people who engage and converse and know proper friend and social etiquette. I don't need your bullshit.