Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Choking the Chicken and Other Such Matters

✊Tossing off...jacking off...beating the meat...spanking the monkey...bopping the baloney...giving yourself a handy...jerking off...flogging your log...waxing the dolphin...whacking your willy...

I could fill pages!
Last month I heard the term "geeking out". I always considered 'geeks' to be those people who are typically into IT, sci-fi and fantasy, Star Trek/Star Wars, comic books, 'magic' games, video gaming, LARPing, Lord of the Rings, and who usually fall short in personal hygiene. Ok, ok...I'm stereotyping a bit, but honestly, in my experience, most of those types of guys (geeks) have quite a number of those things in common. Am I mistaken here?

Anyhow, I thought 'geeking out' refers to when a 'geek' or group of 'geeks' really get lit up and passionate when talking about any of the above mentioned items. It's what ignites the fire w/in. I've been asked what do I geek out about and nothing really came to mind. What do I get really passionate about or obsessed with and enjoy learning about and soaking in as much information as I can get? After a little bit of thought, I realized I do have some things I geek out about...

a) Golden Girls, b) horror movies, c) soda pop, d) DIY projects, and e) playing w/ myself.

Masturbation is one of my favorite subjects b/c I consider myself to be a veteran of it. I started when I was 7 and for most of my life, like many men, have been a complete and total addict. I've never even had a wet dream b/c I've never given my body time enough to build up my juices and naturally release them! Though it sucks to suffer the pains and trials of addiction, experiences like these have changed me and taught me and helped me grow and understand more about myself and my physical, carnal body and the experience I'm having as a spiritual being inside a mortal body while here on the earth. The whole purpose of this life is to learn to master our natural man desires, appetites, passions, lusts, etc. and for some, this comes easy. But for many others, like myself, it takes a life time to master. This is especially the case w/ masturbation!

Unlike an alcoholic who must go to the store or bar in order to purchase liquor, we carry our vice around w/ us everywhere we go and we go to it for soooo many different reasons. Little boys are constantly fiddling w/ their tally-wackers. And why not? He's fun to play w/ and it feels good. Exploring our bodies and discovering ourselves and the things that give us pleasure is a normal and natural part of human development. We love to smell and eat delicious foods, have our backs tickled or scratched, soak in hot tubs, have our hair shampooed by another person, watch colorful sunsets, listen to beautiful music, etc. In the preexistence we couldn't wait to come to earth and receive a physical body so we could have these physical experiences and delight in the things that only a mortal body can do. 


I do believe in something called mindful masturbation: completely emptying your mind and focusing on the sensation of it all; to really indulge in the experience and sensation and purpose. Let it be something special, not something quick and fast and lustful and 'carnal.' Use it to relax, or reduce stress and anxiety, and to free your mind. This is particularly the case for those who aren't married or for whatever reason will never have that opportunity. I can't even imagine going through my whole life w/o having and enjoying the pleasure of sexual relations w/ another human being and then being made to feel like an occasional jerk off is a terrible sin and that I'm a bad, naughty, unclean person. WTF? The first commandment God gave to Adam before any others was to go forth and multiply! Think about this: do you think it's by accident that our arms and hands end at exactly the same point our nether regions are located? Coincidence? HAHA That sexual desire is bred in us from the get-go! It's our natural instinct to have sex or have that experience and release. For men, this is a natural and normal part of ALL our lives. But for some of us, it can become habit forming and addictive. That is where we need to be careful, b/c as we're taught and I believe: the natural man is an enemy to God.
 
A lot of it depends on the thoughts and actions that are going on whilst you're masturbating and where you're at and what your intentions are and the frequency. Are you doing it 8 times a day? Is it interfering w/ your work or schooling? If you're married, are you keeping it secret and is it interfering w/ your relationship or desire for sex w/ your spouse? Are you viewing porn while masturbating or has it led you to? Are you fantasizing about someone or the porn you've viewed in the past or past experiences you may have had w/ another person ? Are you doing it publicly or in a steam room or somewhere risky that adds to the thrill of the act and ultimately strengthens the addiction? Are you doing it w/ someone outside your marriage or if you haven't yet married are you masturbating w/ another person? Whether they're hands on you or off you aka sitting side by side, that would still be a definite no-no.

I've done it all, and in some instances, continue to do so. But I'm aware and am continually working on it and keeping it in the forefront of my brain. I do not get hung up on masturbation as some LDS folks tend to do anymore. Now, is it something that ought to be controlled and kept to a bare minimum? Yes! When and if you do toss off, should your soul be racked w/ torment and guilt? Absolutely not! We are healthy, vibrant, normal, virile, sexual men! Stop sweating it!
  
If masturbation is one of the things you 'geek' out to and consider it to be one of the best things since sliced bread like myself, that's swell. But if you're finding yourself overwhelmed w/ guilt and pain after every jerk session, maybe you should stop and take a look at yourself and try and understand why it is you feel that way and why you're masturbating in the first place. Maybe you're jerking off 10 times a day and you feel completely out of control of this addiction and it's interfering w/ your life. Recognize it and try to make some necessary changes. But please try and let some of that guilt go! You are normal. And you are not a terrible person. Just keep working on mastering it and try what I said about the mindfulness and stop obsessing! Similar to the Lord's Word of Wisdom that we Mormons LOVE to pick and choose our judgments on ("herbal" teas, cola drinks, pigging out at buffets, all-meat diets, Veganism, etc.), the whole masturbation topic is a personal thing between you and the Lord or between you, the Lord, and your spouse.

The one and only time my Dad and I ever talked about masturbation, he said this: "Are YOU controlling IT, or is IT controlling YOU?"
Solid, sound advice that I will never forget. And that is my measuring stick.

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