Wednesday, June 21, 2017

The Layers of My Onion

We learn at the Journey into Manhood (JiM) and Mankind Project's 'New Warrior Training Adventure' weekends that there are 4 core emotions: Joy, Fear, Anger, Sadness. All other emotions are offshoots of these core 4 and if you think about it deep enough all other emotions could really be broken down, dissected and categorized to fit into one of the core 4 boxes.

In other therapy groups I've attended, I've also learned that we are onions - layer after layer after layer of XYZ that must be peeled away until we reach our core. Use that metaphor as you wish: complexities, emotions, experiences, personalities, etc. But I like to use the onion to metaphorically describe my core emotions. As I have begun peeling away some of the layers of my onion through experiences at these experiential weekends and therapy groups, I have dismally found that my onion is nothing but layers of...

Anger
Sadness
Anger
Sadness
Anger
Sadness
Anger
Sadness

Layer after layer of complete and total ANGER (rage, anger, fury, madness) and SADNESS (hurt, heart break, rejection, sorrow). IDK how many son of a bitching layers I would need to peel away to finally reach the gold at my center. And my dark passenger has taught me oh-so-well how to numb out to those feelings and layers of anger and sadness, to the point that I don't feel much of anything anymore. But when I do "feel" something, particularly anger or sadness, watch out!

Do any of you deal w/ anger management issues? Do you suffer from intense road rage, intolerance, impatience or pure anger and rage at times? Do any of you deal w/ incessant deep, dark periods of sadness and depression and doom and gloom?

I think I need to invest in some punching bags or installing a rubber room in my house where I can scream and rage and cry and sob and hit and punch and throw myself around and weep to my heart's content. What say you?