Friday, January 12, 2018

Sexuality, Preferences, and Labels - Oh My!

I consider myself bisexual, and I’m all for slapping the bisexuality label on myself, but it’s unfortunately true that bisexuality is something that is frequently rejected. Most people, especially other gay men, don't believe there's such a thing as bisexuality. IMHO, sexuality is a complicated thing and it changes and morphs over time through life experiences and personal awareness and growth. And it's personal! What being “gay” means to me may and is totally different than what it means to person X, or person Y, or person Z.

I recently messaged a friend this description of myself: "The world wants labels even though we might not feel like we fit under any specific one. For me, being “gay” doesn’t fit right, but I’m most definitely not “straight” either. I’d say bi but gay guys would say oh bullshit. There’s no such thing." Kinsey says I’m a 4. That seems pretty accurate, honestly. But in all honestly sexuality is so, so complicated. For example, I LOVE sex with men and am aroused by men and prefer to have sex with men. But I enjoy having sex with my wife as well and would have sex with other women too given the opportunity. A hole's a hole, right? HAHA So what does all this mean?

Truth be told, I love sex. I like watching it, listening to it, thinking about it, and doing it. Granted, I prefer it with men and men are what "naturally" draw and arouse men. Looking at pics of women in bikinis? Blah. Looking at shirtless men? Yum. But given the opportunity to have sex with the bikini clad women, could I and would I? Yes and yes. Yet would I seek it out? No. My sexual preference seems to lie predominately with men. That being said, er, written, I do enjoy all kinds of sex (oral, vaginal, anal) with women and enjoy all their naughty parts, which usually sicks most gay men out. They couldn't imagine sticking their tongue in a woman's vagina, (ahem) CLEAN vagina, nor would they enjoy playing w/ their boobs or making out w/ a woman. It doesn't interest them in the slightest and they probably wouldn't be able to perform sexually. But I do enjoy it, very much so, even though I wouldn't seek it out.

Another thought: having a 3-way (or more) with 2 other guys is great. Hell, it's AWESOME. A 3-way with a guy and girl would be great too. I wouldn't balk at the opportunity to have a menage w/ a male/female couple. But I wouldn’t be too interested in seeking out a 3-way between me and 2 other women. I'd do it, and it would probably be great and an exciting experience, but I'd prefer to throw another dude in there to the mix.

Something else to chew on: romance and love and spending my life with another man doesn’t feel right to me nor does it appeal to me in the slightest. I’m happy and content in my emotional relationship with my wife and that we're spending our lives together and raising our beautiful children together. That feels right and natural to me. I can't even imagine doing that w/ another man. Ick.

So is sexuality purely based on our arousal template and preference or is it actually a big ole' mix of emotional and spiritual and sexual and logical connections and attractions and arousal and preferences and lots and lots of other things? I believe it's the latter. What say you?

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